Good Bye to Pokeberry Hill...


Wednesday, August 20, 2008


It took me a while to catch on, I finally did this morning.

I've been struggling with just feeling rotten for days--maybe longer.

Last weekend I know was tough, then yesterday I found myself just feeling like I didn't know what to do with myself.

Here's where I started to think-

1. I am thinking about negatives too much--over analyzing and feeling frustrated and unable to cope

2. I feel insecure, and unworthy

3. I don't want to do any of the things I normally enjoy --and when I try to think about doing something it makes me feel tired!

4. I'm eating too much-- and it is junk.

Finally I told my husband this morning--I think I've got some depression going.

The thing is I have gone through similar things before--and not just once or twice.

Over the years I've learned to spot it--and treat it before it gets too far.

I don't generally head for a doctor--it has been many many years since I took any meds for depression--I was treated once in my 20s with antidepressants, but since then I've dealt with it differently.

What I do first is get some excercise!!

NO--I don't hit the gym--cuz who feels like doing that when they are already tired and depressed?

I start with long walks. I realized this morning that I haven't been taking my walks, spending much time in the pool or working in my garden much at all for days--maybe a week.

So today--my RX is -- don't worry about anything else--just go out and take a walk, work in the garden and this afternoon when the temp gets rising head for the pool!

Its hard to 'see' feeling better when depression gets a grip--but I know this has worked or me in the past and I know it is the right thing.

Fresh air, sunlight, walking, hoe-ing, swimming, and I take some vitamins as well. I think I'll be back in shape and blogging happier things in no time.

Meanwhile--yesterday I deleted some posts--just because I was feeling so awful and conflicted--I realize I was taking things way too seriously and dwelling too much on things that bother me. Some things I wrote were probably ok--good-- but I don't like to share my writing when I'm not myself cuz--although it may reflect my heart in some way--it also reflects a sort of 'altered state' that I am in that colors things according to my temporary 'dimness'.

Anyhow--one last thing--almost forgot-- prayer and talking to folks help. Time to maybe give our mom's a phone call or visit with that new daughter in law by phone maybe? Distraction from 'thinking' is good.

Depression has been a part of many people's lives forever I think. I know the trend these days is to treat medically--and I guess if you can't fight-- you ought to go that way. Me--I try to make a decision that I will not 'help' the depression but rather help me. I think of it like its an enemy that is trying to beat me and I stand up and fight.

Some months ago--maybe it was even a year? I listened to a recording of a book called Abraham Lincoln's Melancholy. It was very helpful to me to see that this is something that others have had to fight and that it has not stopped those people from being courageous, decent and willing to take life on. It can sidetrack or distract - temporarily--but it doesn't have to win.

Here in Pokeberry-- we'll just treat it like a weed or a fire ant and give it a good heave-ho fight.

The sun will shine again. :)

1 comment:

  1. Can you walk at a mall? I like to walk with my daughter and we play this game of standing in front of a store that sells cute clothes...and we both pick which outfit we like best in the window, and we take guesses on what we picked...I think it is good to get out of our houses in a/c during the summer...I get depressed if I stay home too long! We also make a travel mug of coffee to take with us and drink while we walk there!!!