Good Bye to Pokeberry Hill...


Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Since I'm on the Subject.. Abraham Lincoln and Me..

I know I'm one of those life long depression folks-- like Mr. Lincoln. I kind of like the old fashioned word for it--Melancholy--doesn't sound the same some how.

Anyhow here's an interesting link I found about Mr. Lincoln's Depression.

I was asked by someone at work once if I had bi-polar tendencies. I had to say no, I don't think I do. I think it is not well known that I get depressed--at least not at work. The main reason is I put on a good face when I'm there. I am the one who is always cheerful and sociable-- its a funny thing. It is how I manage myself there. Its a conscious effort.

Here in the South it is common practice when you meet someone to ask "How you doin'?" Honestly-- its so common--on days I work I must be asked that 30 times! In stores, on walks, its just plain southern courtesy to ask. Of course the proper response is just to ask back, "how YOU doin'?" and that seems to end it.

I like the manners here--they ask-- they are nice about that--but they don't expect to get much of an answer really. Just a show of care.

Anyhoo I had my walk. I was greeted by 4 different folks with a 'good morning' that would the other Southern greeting. 2 of the folks were walking dogs. One lady came from her home and was about to walk and enquired where I lived--I gave her our street, she said, "my,you walk a long way, I only make it 2 blocks." I was happy to walk. I really was--but somewhere near home the tears were running and I thought--what on earth?! Its frustrating to just feel and know it needs to be.

I was thinking well maybe its this or that thing that touched it off-- who knows. Really I think I am susceptible to this and it happens. Sure--I may have been stressed more than usual--but I don't know-- when aren't I?

As my doctor once said, Everybody has stress.

It is hereditary too. I know that. I've been one to 'feel' the blues more than most I think. I always had a dislike for the drugs they give you. I have so many relatives on drugs for depression or anxiety or add or whatever--it just really bothers me. Maybe I'm just prideful? I don't know but I like to attack it on my own-with hubby's help usually cuz he knows me well enough to see it coming. He prods me to get outside and that helps some.

Anyhow--I can see the birds in Pokeberry, all over the thistle feeders and the morning glory vines are in flower. How can a person feel so tired and 'dull' in the morning?

I'm thinking since I don't know what to do with myself I may just go out and start up the lawn mower. I usually have the boys do that--but it seeems like a task that might make me feel as if I've done something with myself.

One thing good I think is often, but the time I realize I'm depressed I'm already on the way out. I don't know how that is--I tend to have shorter cycles of this than I did as a young woman. I think perhaps because I've learned to manage it better maybe. When I was a child and a young woman it would just knock me for a loop! I'd take to my bed and stay there with a book and just feel hopeless for a day or two. Nowadays, I can't do that. I might nap 30 minutes but I couldn't possiblly stay in bed long.

Its all a funny thing, not funny ha-ha more like funny-crazy. :(


  1. huh.. I guess I should say that I used to take to my bed a day or two--but I also would sleep quite late in the day and spend alot of time alone--for weeks, maybe longer. I think I have truly done a better job with this. Right now I realize I must have hit a 'peak' in this the past 3 days or so. I think--maybe 4. Perhaps it will pass soon.

  2. sure sounds like you at least know how to help yourself when you feel this way. I hate to say I do feel like the drugs can help, and make your life so happy and smooth...if that is the way someone needs to go. I also have many in my family, and multiple friends who take antidepressants, and it makes their lives so improved! But it may not be for everyone. I am a naturally happy person, but in my life I have had times of saddness. Once it was related to high blood pressure (that was when I first found out I had developed it). I guess we all have periods of the blues. I certainly can start crying for no reason at all...even CVS commercials...or small things will set me off...but I think it may be more related to post-menopausal hormonal stuff. Walking, watching a funny movie, hanging out with friends and family, and getting out to the mall and being around other people all help me so much.
    You know I love talking to you, and I know God is blessing you every day. You are so fortunate to have such a wonderful husband! He sounds like a keeper, for sure! LOL
    Loads of hugs...your blogger pal,

  3. Thanks Julie.
    I guess when I look at my family--I don't see that the drugs work so well. Things don't seem smooth and happy at least I can say that--but there's probably other factors.