Good Bye to Pokeberry Hill...

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Saturday, October 31, 2009

Final Day at the New Job and Imaginings..

This morning begins my last shift at the new job. It just never quite 'floated my boat'. Too quick a pace and too impersonal a corporate atmosphere I think--I had no idea how much I dislike that sort of thing until I got going. I like to get to know my co-workers and have always enjoyed the folks I've worked with. It was very strange to me to work with folks who rarely even have time to say hello and goodbye--and to have co-workers disappear and never know where they went--did they quit? get transferred? ??

I guess I prefer smaller companies, apparently I'm a home body type even at work.
The pace also was very difficult for me. By the end of a shift I was in pain every place I could think of. Well.. so it goes. I don't know what is next for me, but after today I have time to figure that out.

Meanwhile I'm keeping busy. Yesterday I had my day planned out with a time slot for my garden, for household chores, dinner making, and working on my felted wool critters for the jug band(s).

I got an email from Hubby and had to run order a part in town. Two hours later I returned and it was nearly dinner time. The kids were invited last minute to an out of town Halloween party and Hubby was about to come home and come down sick. Dinner wasn't really needed after all, leftovers was enough for those left here to eat that were in the mood to eat. I worked on my felted wool a bit while we watched tv and Hubby, did come with me to walk the boys (Mojo and George) before he hit the couch.

Hubby was up in the night coughing, which worried me--you know thinking swine flu--He doesn't seem to have a fever though so I have put off planning for ICU or a funeral yet. Let me tell you--we worriers-- can imagine all manner of awfuls at the drop of a pin! Thankfully I do keep my sense of humor inspite of my foolish brain's tendencies! By the time I woke this morning I had imagined kids in car accidents and burying half my family's ashes in the garden, and trying to figure out how to finish the house on my life insurance pay out and still have enough to live on now that I've quit my job!

Its apparently not quite enough to only worry about the troubles I already have--I need to pile up all the potential ones too-no wonder I don't sleep well sometimes.

Well I am thinking this is another of those inheritances to thank Mom for, she was a champion worrier! We worriers ought to have given her some sort of medal. Good thing I also got Dad's good Polish sense of humor to add to my high strung Irish nature, and thankfully I did not get Gramma's nose--which every generation has checked for at the birth of each babe.

I did not get out to the garden, but I did stop at Lowes since the part I had to pick up was near by. I got some dry wall primer for our living room/dining room and found 6 nice big pots of perennials on clearance for $1 each. I picked out some coreopsis, a pretty red sage and a pinkish hyssop. They're all nice sun plants that bloom in summer--they are still at the end of their bloom time and will get huge and lovely next summer. I've already got spots picked for them and maybe tomorrow I'll tuck them into new beds and give them some fish tea and mulch before they go to sleep for winter. I also added to my collection of little cans of mismatched paint. They sell paint mistakes very cheap at Lowes, I always look for it. I have almost a dozen little cans now of different colors--I know a project will come up that I'll find them all handy.

Imagination is an amazing thing. I can use it to create critters for my little Poke berry Hill Jug Band, to carve out shade and sun gardeny areas in my yard, make pretty decorative things with mismatched paint and to keep myself going in tough times and yet--also I'm afraid it also seems to get the best of me sometimes and make me think all manner of awful things that 'might' happen. Nothing wrong with my imagination--it works quite well.. too well sometimes. ;)

That dreaded worrying thing though is also I'm sure part of what causes one to become depressed. I am the sort who must MAKE herself dwell on happy thoughts. Seems like this is getting harder lately. Maybe its my age? Dunno.. but then maybe tomorrow I'll be dead and it won't matter. Hmmm.... what shall I die of? Let me think. ;)

2 comments:

  1. This is interesting...I feel about in the same state as you right now! I was overcome with anxiety today in JoAnn Fabrics, and I am such a worrier/planner (well...prior planning does prevent poor performance...doesn't it???) That is one of my fav phrases! I felt so oversome with anxiousness (I do not have anxiety problems)...it scared me and I had to go sit at the patternbook table and calm down! I over worry each detail of my, and each of my family members lives...how to make that work out better, smoother, happier, etc... is it our age??? I wonder...many of the bloggers in the 50's age range seem to be going through this mess...I'm just noticing...that's all.

    Then today, I found out that my hubby and I may be flying out on Monday to go be with his mother (emergency style) in Louisiana for a few weeks. He will need to take 2 weeks of vacation or a LOA. Good grief...my life is out of control.....

    Hang tight...I always think of you fondly, Mary! Enjoy your time off for a while...as I am also!
    Julie

    P.S. Good finds on the paints and the flowers!!! YEAH!

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  2. Hi Julie-- Hope things work out ok with his mom. We are in a spot at our age I think-- between generations getting started that need help and generations getting older that need help--and I guess add in our own bodies tentative states as we change so much ourselves-- it would make sense to be a recipe for more anxiety.

    I'm getting pretty bugged by it really. I find things bother me more and more when I feel as if I should be so 'past that' sort of thing. Ah well...

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