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Friday, January 29, 2010

The View From Here, Looking Toward It All...


I'm considering the future a bit more than usual at the moment. There's been some news in Pokeberry. Its ultimately good news, but like most ultimately good things it does come with quite a bit of difficulty. It seems we're to have another grand-baby. Always a welcome wonderful thing--a new life. This one will not be so far away as little Ruby, in fact it will be quite near and I imagine I will be doing a great deal of babysitting, maybe almost daily.

Among the changes on my horizon, those things I'm looking toward, there is the near change of moving up a certain wedding date, Daughter and 'not so plump Ernie' will be tying the knot in the next month or two and welcoming their babe most likely sometime the end of summer. I recall that when I first found out about Miss Ruby she was a 'blueberry' they have a sort of scale for visualizing the size of little ones that haven't made their appearance yet. This one is officially a 'sesame seed'.

Funny how a sesame seed sized person can change so much in the lives of so many.


I suppose I could beat myself up and say things like, "What on earth! How can you be a good mother if not just one but two of your children have done this?"

Hmm.. well, OK. Actually, I know the characters in question were more than aware of the facts of life and well this is the fact of their lives now. To be honest I think--well they aren't doing anything that a great deal of young people aren't also doing these days. No point dwelling on it. The family is growing and we make room for that and do so happily no matter what. That's pretty much the way I look at it.

Well this morning the view in Pokeberry, looking out the window is not what we thought it would be last night. The trucks were all out salting the roads in anticipation of snow or ice but it appears not to have happened. The garden is chilly at 32' and there are birds everywhere. The sun is warming the side of my face from a window, but only intermittently, there are clouds that seem like quilty cotton, almost as if they have been patched together and there are gaps where the sun or a blue spot gets through, but the gaps may be closing up.

The feeders have been very active as have the tree tops. On the ground I've watched a 'herd' of doves walking about. I always think the doves remind me of cattle when the walk about the garden in a group. They seem to be grazing. A Carolina wren has visited the pink feeder, I suppose they will take seeds sometimes but I know they prefer suet and insects. The woodpecker has also been around looking to see if any suet may have been missed. I still haven't replaced the suet, its been out for days.

My little Jazz Bear has got some more details, cool shades, and a cap. He is standing on my desk here with his saxaphone. I finally heard from Etsy's customer service this morning so I will probably get my new store site up this weekend. This week was full of unexpected things due to our 'sesame seed' so I haven't done as much on the Etsy project as I had thought. I have however kept up my seed starting. I've got quite a lot of baby plants growing under lights and am continuing to start new ones and thinking about what comes next in the garden.

I'm considering what life will look like after the Sesame Seed has grown and finally arrived. What pattern will the days have then? Daughter has been offered a management position at her work, she is also pondering the future, as she ought to be. Not so plump Ernie has more on his plate than I think he was imagining he would right now, but with the support of both their families and hard work and time we hope he'll buck up to the challenge. He will need to work and go to school while also caring for a young wife and a sesame seed. Since Hubby and I did that-- I know quite well how difficult it is going to be. I also remember the good parts and I know how important it is that there are good parts.

Well perhaps my new calling is just Gramma? We shall see...

11 comments:

  1. I think I know how you feel. I have granddaughters with babies who have no dad around. They're all 3 great mothers but they made wrong choices with men. These mothers have a harder life being single. One however is happily married now.
    The world is not the same. Too much bad TV and movies and too much freedom.
    We love these children however and enjoy them. I know you'll enjoy this one too.

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  2. Oh I know I'll enjoy the babe. There certainly are plenty of emotions involved in it. I tried hard not to be angry--but I can sometimes feel that creep into my voice as well... its not the way things should be--but nothing in this life is perfect and I know you just have to take it as it comes and do your best with it all.

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  3. oh mary...it's happy thing, but it will change your life, as i am well demonstrating right now with two grands every day!! My son works full time all day and goes to college full time at evening. Good thing they live right down the road, and it is an easy drive between. It is a juggling job, as you well know! I have redefined my life...as you say, as "GRANDMA JULIE". Right now I am tryng to get a poopoo out of the 15 month old...it has been 4 days! She is trying right now...I am praying!!!
    You should be able to manage for a while having just a small baby. I wish you the best. As a Christian, you can refresh and start anew each moment, as I try to do frequently!!!

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  4. So very true Julie!
    And I am envisioning the poo process with a chuckle.

    Our little sesame seed is currently about 25 minutes away. I've told the kids that they can certainly count on Gramma for babysitting, I think Grampa will most likely come around to that idea as well. ;)

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  5. Oh boy...that 25 minutes on the road is gonna be tough...on everyone. Too bad they can't move closer! Are his parents around there also???

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  6. BTW, Mary...I am really looking forward to seeing your Etsy shop up and running!

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  7. Hi Mary,

    Congratulations on the new babe. I understand your feelings. I have a little grandbaby and an unmarried daughter. She still does not have her life straightened out and I still get angry with her often. Yet my little grandbaby is a blessing each and every day. It is a different crazy, liberal world out there. It is not your fault or my fault. Our kids are adults and sometimes people make bad choices and it is not the fault of anyone but them. There are worse things. At least you will have the beautiful baby that will whisk your anger away every time you cuddle him/her. I wish you all the best and look forward to hearing more of your journey.

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  8. MSWMOM--Isn't it amazing how many folks are in the same boat? I wasn't sure I wanted to even write about it--but you know what? Its just life for so many of us.

    Julie--no, his folks are about 2 hours away. Also they signed a 1 yr lease last month. Daughter was a toughy to live with--however--we love her and if it ends up too hard we will of course make room. Maybe in the shed/cabin? LOL.. I'm hoping with help they can stay on their own--they are near their workplaces and the school and not-so-plump Ernie only works 10 mins from here--so I could certainly drive that far to pick up baby--or he could go that far out of his way, also I would be willing to go their house if baby is sick.

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  9. I have a daughter that is making the same bad choices as ya'll's, she just hasn't gotten "caught" yet, though she's had a couple of "scares". Which of course, hasn't "scared" her at all! sigh

    One thing I have learned with this also hard to deal with daughter (whom I love very much) is to not do for her what she should be doing for herself. It's hard, but I've found that the "easier" I make it for her, the worse her choices are. The hardest thing I've ever done was giving her a deadline on moving out of the house. My biggest concern was that I didn't want her to feel rejected or unloved, but I KNEW she had to start taking more responsibility for herself and her choices.

    A couple of days after I realized that she NEEDED to move out, I "happened" to find a story from "Chicken Soup for the Soul" website. (Amazing how God works to answer our prayers!)

    The story was about a mom and her daughter and the way the mom demonstrated to the daughter HER need to resolve a problem she was having with a classmate. It was a heartwarming story that was full of love.

    As I read it to my daughter, she cried, but then allowed that supporting herself and living on her own DID belong in "her basket". Later, I overhead her talking to a friend and from her end of the conversation, knew it was about the move. Her comment was, no, she's not making me move, it's time I do it for myself!

    YES!!!!

    If you want me to send you the story, email me at umstetter at gmail dot com.

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  10. Hi Darlene.. my goodness you've caught up on quite a few posts today!
    Its so good to hear that you and your daughter were able to make peace through that little answer to prayer. I know God has a plan for us too. I think your point about her doing for herself the things she is able to--that really is something I've just come to see clearly is very important. Because of my gal's situation I just wanted to help her so much---but then I began to see that I need to encourage her more strongly to help herself too. I guess its a balancing act. All I know is life is just always a walking on waters thing--gotta keep your head above water and your eyes on God.

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