Good Bye to Pokeberry Hill...


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Anxiety? From My View..

Well, my doctor asked me to find out more about family history and since my Mom died in August and I can't think of anyone to ask on my Dad's side, he also had died youngish, I asked an aunt.

Egads. Sometimes I think you just don't want to know. It seems every one of my the women on my mom's side has/had hypertension, high cholesterol and issues with anxiety that had to be medicated once they were in their forties--going back as far as my great gramma. All the D------ Women, had panic attacks or nerves or back in the day 'hysterics'. She said that she and her sisters have all at one time or another thought they were having heart attacks and it was anxiety. Usually for no reason. They also all have issues with arthritis and/or fibromyalgia and I know that most of them have had knees replaced, one also a hip. There's several cases of rheumatic fever as well--which I also had. Pernicious anemia made the 'hit list' as well as did diabetes.

Well fine. Anyhoo I have my regular blood work up today. The big question is has my cholesterol gone down or do we have to start talking about using a statin. Apparently 2 of my aunts use those and it works, but my aunt says that since I'm so young (ish) I should try to hold off on it as I will probably have to take it in my 60s.

One thing though she also said is that nobody but her dad--died of heart failure in their 50s. I found that to be relieving. She said there were some who did later however.

Well I gotta tell ya's my Mom was a hoot. She left me the biggest collection of bum inheritances. I got the flabby arms, the thin hair, the hypertension and the arthritis and I'm betting when I've had my stress test I'll find out I've got the anxiety as well. Thanks Mum, I won't say you never gave me anything. ;-)

Sigh... life is so fun. I'm apparently a modern day hysteric. Well, I guess I could have guessed that. Or asked my kids.

Russel commented below... bacon?? Bacon?? I'm eating low sodium 'strange science' margarine and he has to mention bacon? Ugh, pass me the cheerios... oh wait not this morning, we're fasting.

I guess I'm just in a bit of a 'sarcastic humor' mood. The thing is nothing makes me feel worse than 'thinking I'm nuts' and unfortunately for me-- that's kind of how I think of myself when I struggle with being nervous or uncomfortable emotionally. I feel like I'm not 'all there'. It makes me angry sort of. I guess we all have quirks of our mental outlook--that's one I have. Maybe cuz I was raised around so many women who seemed to be chronic worriers.. and now I have had my grown son and daughter in law telling me 'not to worry so much' and its like you feel almost doomed to a fate worse than death-- being an anxious elderly person--and here I am just barely elderly. I don't even qualify for a senior discount but I've got my clonazepam and my bp meds and diuretics already. And yah... I miss my butter and bacon too.

Well, no matter. Things will look up, the odds are good that I'm not going to drop dead in the garden or on my tready, I'm just going to be an annoying person. LOL..

Look out kiddos, gramma's clutching her chest, "Its the big one, I'm comin' ta join ya Mah."


  1. LOL, Mary! I guess we really are startting to get "old" aren't we??? I saw an ad last night that said "Come meet other over 50 senior singles"!!! That caught me off guard. I don't think you are a senior if you are over 50, do you? I think of a senior as over 60. Crap.

    Well, with having children, and grandchildren, there is always something to worry about, thats for sure. I lose a lot of sleep over this stuff. I feel like a walking zombie half the time.

    Ah...this is life. Sad, but true.

    Good luck with your labs!

  2. Mary,
    You sure are going through a lot right now and I am thinking of you. I, too, am a worrier so I understand that it is something that you can't stop easily, if at all. Please know that you are in my prayers... And when you are missing that bacon, just think about Ruby and your next grandbaby - they are so much better than any bacon!! (But you are right, it is so hard to give up foods you enjoy... I am lousy at it!!)

  3. Sorry to hear about the dietary changes and the anxiety. I hated having to change my diet. I have panic attacks and because of my miss-spent youth I am not a candidate for medications like clonazapam (valium, xanex, etc.) I'm not saying they're bad medications, I would love to be able to take them. Just due to my past, the indication is that I would abuse them. I luckily have a job where if I am having anxiety or panic I can just re-schedule my clients to another day when I might be feeling better. in gratitude helps. I am so blessed with what I do have, despite having personal challenges.

  4. :-) You guys are all great.
    I bumped into my doc when I went for my lab work and my stress test is scheduled but gosh--its not until the 23rd! That's a long time to wonder if your heart is OK. I may have a panic attack just waiting so long. I'm doing pretty good with the diet. Its not so much worrying about calories--though I should--as it is about fat and sodium. Still it all goes together.
    Sigh... bacon is not really on the list of 'good'.
    Russel--I feel for ya, I came of age in the 70s and hey--I think we all misspent our youth back then. Well, I'm working on the little sister doll for my mom-in-law, listening to survivalist podcasts and simultaneously looking at wedding veils on
    Got lots done in the yard and garden Monday & Tuesday and today it is miserable out. Says its 57' but there's a cold wind and no sunshine and it just feels like winter again. So glad y'all commented and encouraged friends!

  5. Hang in there, I feel for you. I have all the bad stuff. Then I had to go & break a leg/hip. It sure is the pits not to be able to get about like I use to. I keep trying.
    I'm a Great Grandma. Never thought I'd see the day. God Bless them, they are so good for this ole' heart.

  6. I'd love to be a great gramma!That sounds like a goal. ;-) Thanks!
    My Mom lived to see one GG child and if she had lived until Christmas she would have had a chance to meet Miss Ruby too. My Dad never saw our kids grow up, the oldest was 11 when he died. Anyhoo--well you've given me something to aim at!